The Gay Marriage Problem

It's time for me to weigh in one of the most controversial issues of our current day: gay marriage.

At first glance, gay marriage seems like a simple issue: Gays have been persecuted, mistreated, bullied, and even killed for as long as anyone can remember and they are actually really nice and harmless people who just want the same respect that everyone else gets.  Plus their behavior is their own business and doesn't affect anyone else.  Therefore, we should have no problem extending them legal marriage as part of our government in order to put a stop to the abuse they have suffered.

Sounds reasonable, right?

It's actually a lot more complicated than this!  And some of what I said above isn't necessarily true (but it sounds good).

I've often felt that the debate about gay marriage should really be a debate about whether God exists.  That may surprise you.

God has commanded in no uncertain terms that sexual relations are to practiced exclusively within His definition of marriage (ie traditional marriage).  In other words anything designed to cause sexual arousal is to be kept between husband and wife.  That means that even commonplace things like sex being used in advertising is contrary to God's commandments.  It also means that common relationships such as unmarried boyfriends and girlfriends having sex is contrary to God's commandments (and yeah I know many of my friends are in this category, don't worry, I still think you are good people and still respect you).  And yes, it means that all homosexual behavior is contrary to God's commandments (notice I said behavior, not inclination).

Now before you jump on the "hate" bandwagon, realize that God also designed our physical bodies to desire behavior that is contrary to his commandments!  That means that most of us are going to have sexual urges that we must not act upon in order to stay in compliance with God's commandments.  Some of us are going to have the urge to sleep with as many partners as possible, some of us are going to have same sex attraction, and some of us are even going to be sexually attracted to children (though we don't generally talk about this).  There is nothing wrong with feeling this way because this is the way God has designed our bodies.  However, God expects us to confine our sexual behavior to His commandments.  It's sort of a paradox.  Logically, we can therefore conclude that a) God expects us to master our bodies rather than allow our bodies to master us and b) everyone who follows God is going to have to give up something in exchange (for example, the guy whose body wants to sleep with 100 beautiful women is going to have to give that up if he wants to follow God)

In summary, if we want to be truly happy in life, we must bridle our passions.

Now, how does this relate to gay marriage?

First of all, it casts some troubling light upon the "equality" argument.  The argument basically feels like it is saying that gay couples have a right to have everyone accept their relationship as if they were following God's standard of sexuality.  Or, stated differently, a couple who is not playing by the rules that God has set forth wants to reap the same benefits as a couple who is playing by the rules.  This seems a little unfair to me.  And it feels like it violates my freedom of religion guaranteed by the constitution.  I feel like unless I carry on a pretense then I will become subject to intimidation.  And it seems to be getting worse.

Second of all, the idea of hate and discrimination is troubling also because it implies that God Himself is participating in the hating and the discrimination.  If God says that sexual relations outside His boundaries are wrong, then I don't see how this principle could be considered hateful or discriminatory.

Thirdly, marriage as an institution was created by God; it is not man-made.  Therefore, for society to try to redefine marriage is somewhat concerning.  L. Tom Perry recently said "Prophets from all dispensations have consistently warned against violations of two of the more serious commandments—the ones relating to murder and adultery. I see a common basis for these two critical commandments—the belief that life itself is the prerogative of God and that our physical bodies, the temples of mortal life, should be created within the bounds God has set. For man to substitute his own rules for the laws of God on either end of life is the height of presumption and the depth of sin." (see citation).  This is probably the #1 reason I am concerned about gay marriage, because I don't want to stand before God one day and have to explain to Him why I did not defend the marriage institution that He created.

In conclusion, if God exists, then I feel that gay marriage as the world understands it today, is missing the mark.  It is failing to solve the problem it is attempting to solve.

I have a very good friend who considers himself gay who pointed out to me that there may be cases where the government should extend laws to accommodate gay couples.  And I agree with him!

If someone (who considers themselves to be gay) wants hospital visitation rights for their partner, or to inherit their partner's social security they've accrued for decades, or to have shared medical insurance, or some other government benefit, I don't really see that as a big deal and probably would not stand in the way of laws of that nature.  I consider that type of stuff all man-made, and what one government made, another can modify.  Not a big deal.

But let's come up with a different solution for this rather than changing the definition of marriage.  If we keep the dialog open and try to see where the other side is coming from, I am confident that we can come up with a better solution than what I see brewing in society today.